I had waited for 2012 Chinese New Year in college for around two weeks. My feeling of waiting is excited but still have fear as I worried of the curse will enable the tragedy will happen again. Chinese New Year eve is time for us to have reunion meals. My dad drunk like usual and he started a bit mad by scolding my sis and mum because of not bathing before the meal. We had tolerated by go to bath. Besides, he warned us not to fight back what he talk and we still tolerated no matter what nonsense it is. Phew..........Finally,that day had passed peacefully. First,second,third day of new year are still okay but tragedy finally happen again on the forth day of CNY. We woke up then went for late breakfast then we popped at my nanny house as usual. He was drunk as he took a lot of beer. We had our late lunch there and stayed there for sometime. After that, we turned home and he went to sleep. He woke up when around 8pm and he behave like a hunger demon by telling my mum didn't cook dinner and said that our house had no food for us and that may bring bad luck for all of us for the whole year !!!! Nonsense !!!! I tolerated for a while but he keep barking like a mad dog so my mum and I tried to talk to him in normal tone. That doesn't work but make him just like a mad hunger demon barking so I raise up my voice and he tried to fight back and scolding non stop with all kind of cunning words and he even throw things and almost destroy the house phone. I glance him in a fierce manner and I tried to fight back by 'Barking' with all kind of nonsense about money,food and future. I was very angry as today I really not in a good mood recently and hate my dad's actions so I talked a lot of cunning words too.He is also very petty and maid and he tried to show is fade caring on us. My sis and mum do tried to fight for the right and he almost wanted to beat my sis.What a such crazy,mad,fierce demon !!!!I will show him a lot of food in future and make him full until his stomach burst and will earn money and owned a house by earning money by myself !!!! I will try my best to be a independent lady who no necessary rely on any guy as they had really abuse my trust,toleration and patience. I getting lost of confident and secure on guy as I tried my best to really accept,patient,tolerate and forgive but all turn into disappointment and tears of sadness. I will not afraid any more. My quotes: I will not afraid of the storm as I want to sail my own ship !!
Besides, today the one who I place him in a quite important state after god and family had also really abuse my toleration and patience. Recently,they planned to have steamboat gathering today but the response was quite little and the price is quite not reasonable so I think to have other activities for gathering. I decided to have karaoke and this was welcomed by most of them. I know he don't really like to sing so I tried to talk to him in a good manner to join as everyone agree and like it but he just turn up in saying all kind of words like how he enjoyed as he dun like to sing la, he scolded me why organised this as he don't like la and a lot more. I just told him to be sporting,join us as we can all gather to have fun and fellowship and I said he can no need to pay for it but he ended up by saying i not understand him and asked me no need to reply him as he will off his phone. How can he be so selfish? I was so disappointed and sad and I decided not to reply. I had tolerated since he told me his family problem and I not dare to complain, being annoying and not dare to even ask him to out for date or even go to his house by my own and support him by prayer or even not dare to tell him my problems and support him although I am weak and tired too. He also know that I have my own family problems and doubts too. I did faced a lot of questions from friends and family where he had been in CNY and why not appearing and why am i not going there. Do you think I don't hope he can appear or I can meet him? Do you think I am not sad to see him in this kind of situation? Can't he feel I really trying my best of being understanding? Do you think I can just cover him and not think of others feeling when organised a gathering? Did he think of I tried not involve in this kind or gathering organised thingy but still me as everyone just stay there quietly? Anyone really think of how I feel when I am in between friends and love one ? I am not complaining but can someone or him just try to stand in my position to think too and I am just a lady and I need someone or him to at least support me too. I will just keep quiet and will not find you since you decided to off your phone and don't bother of me as you are not the only on stress and problems but I am tired to all that too.
Oh Lord, please forgive me being sinful and weak. I am tired and down too but I still need to act happy and cheerful in front of people.I leave my life to you and I can't stop to sail. I need the strength,passion,patience, wisdom,love, braveness,confidence and love from you.
